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Apr 01

State of Florida Outlaws Bicycling

Effective immediately, bicycling within the state of Florida is now illegal. The Florida House and Senate conspired last night into the early morning hours to pass a comprehensive bill that ensures bicycling on public property to be a crime.  A half-asleep governor signed it into law, thinking it was a UPS delivery confirmation.

Possible punishments for bicycling include:

  • Motorists honking at you
  • Name-calling
  • Wind blowing against you, *both* ways
  • Sunny days suddenly becoming rainy in the middle of your ride
  • An increased sense of self-worth
  • Better health (weight, cardiovascular, etc.)
  • Increased attention span
  • A better connection with the world around you
  • Lots of new friends at the Bicycle Club
  • And much, much more…

The USF Bicycle Club is preparing an official response to this tragedy, and vows to fight for bicyclists’ rights until that too is made illegal.

1 comment

  1. Caitlin

    hahahahahaha

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